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The Weight of Grief

August 19, 2012

Some days the weight of grief is heavier than other days, and on those days, you just want to roll up in a tight ball in a dark corner, can’t speak, and let the tears flow and pour. And you don’t wake up from sleep thinking that it’s going to be one of those days, it just comes and hits usually from nowhere expected. The painful and tragic what-ifs and the should-haves consume your thoughts and for a while you live in the past when you were naïve and foolishly believed bad things happen to other people never to you. Those are the easy days you long for because today you know all too well that your entire world can crash around you in one mere moment and nothing ever, ever will be the same. And on these days, when the grief is a physical presence standing and stomping on your chest, blocking your vision with its weight, you take deep breaths, over and over, and try with everything you have to remember the blessings… They are there, surrounding you. You must force your eyes to look. 

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Pat Carey permalink
    August 19, 2012 4:30 pm

    Your blessings are many, dear friend – your dear husband and so normal and crazy sons, your wonderful family and your many wonderful sisters, brothers and families. This mourning will never go away, nor should it, Sofia was so loved by all and cannot be replaced – one girl in a million. But you and your family have so much love to share with all, and we love you for it. I am glad you can articulate your love and grief, I share your grief and thank Allah you have such a wonderful, close family. Love, pat

  2. Pat Carey permalink
    August 19, 2012 4:34 pm

    What am I talking about, crazy and normal sons – you have your youngest daughter that is crazy and walking all over your place – she is looking at Olympics 2020, for sure!

  3. barb permalink
    August 20, 2012 8:32 am

    love you all; my heart breaks and if i could take the pain from you, i would. the what-ifs and should-haves are the hardest to bear. i’m with you.

  4. Lupe Williams permalink
    September 5, 2012 7:25 am

    While I have not had to endure the pain you have experienced, I have felt the loss of a sibling and a parent. I was 12 when my brother was killed in a car accident. I saw my mother age before my eyes. The sound of her crying was of such deep pain that I will never forget it. I am crying as I write this because it feels as if I was there again. Pat is right. The mourning will never go away. However, I now try to remember the wonderful years and memories I had with my brother. You are a wonderful and loving person. Your family is a reflection of both you and your wonderful husband. I am blessed to know you and your family.

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